Memorial Day - Need Help

My sincere gratitude goes out to each and every service man and woman for the sacrifices they are making daily to protect not only a country, but the families who live here. I was honorably discharged from the military exactly one month before 9/11 and while I am thankful I was discharged, those who have and still are serving our country deserve the utmost respect. If anyone has any family members who are away, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I do need help though. I have put together packages for our soldiers overseas and while someone was going to get me information on where to ship it, that fell through and I still feel that these men and women deserve to know that they are not forgotten and that they are appreciated. If anyone has family or friends that are serving overseas and has an address where we can send some care packages, I would greatly appreciate it. I want these soldiers to know that they are loved and respected and even if what I have to send is not in mass quantities, my children (well at least my 6 year old) has also become very proud to make it his mission to let them know that he feels safe and is proud of them. It brought tears to my eyes when my 6 year old said he understood that soldiers were keeping our country from "having bombed ground and people that all hate each other." Wow, I don't let my child watch the news and his father isn't one for following politics or news so I'm really not sure where he learned it, one hand tells me that I should be proud that he is so socially aware, but at the same time I question just how aware he is because I do not want him to know the true horrors that some of these men and women have seen and had to go through. From the bottom of my heart, I thank the families and spouses of the service men and women, I myself do not know if I could handle losing a loved one for extended periods of time while away on orders or in the worst case scenario, permanently. So I thank you for your diligent patience, support, and love to them and only hope that some day as I grow older, I can learn the patience and courage that you possess. I hope that more people truly realize that this is not just a bank holiday, a day off of school, using Sunday as an extra night to party and drink when there are real reasons that we should be cherishing this day. To honor the men and women who deserve it!!!

If you know of a unit, or specific service member you would like a care package sent to, please, don't hesitate to email me! I would greatly appreciate it!

For that special someone

All I hear is emptiness, loneliness, and silence. The TV is on and all a blur. This room is dreary and bleak and the bed I lay in is solitary and cold. I watch the colors from the angel dance upon the wall while laying here waiting for the familiar hum of the garage door or ever the simplistic chord of the phone ringing. I yearn for the sound of your voice to realize itself instead of echoing through my ears and soul like a disc on repeat playing through the stereo. I crave your body, your sweet smell, your magical touch, and the delectable taste I've found only within the depths of you. My being is yours for the taking, I surrender to only you. Let's move beyond past transgressions and climb together higher than any mountain standing majestically over any horizon. My love is pure, it will not fade into an abyss filled with darkness. I'll be the strong oak you've deserved from the beginning and I'll show my self worth not to those I'd consider an audience, but to those close to my heart and reach out to keep me from stumbling. I will validate myself through doing fair, honest, and just work to claim the eye of the lens so the world can see me with nothing but clarity for who I am. While this paper and pen cannot wipe the tarnish from my name, it can vocalize a piece of me that is learning to sense life with a whole new meaning yet again. My intentions are only honorable and all I ask is that you look at me knowing that I feel like I'm looking into a kaliedascope with every turn revealing more depth and beauty.

Frustration

I watch my kids play and my oldest, 6, is so overprotective of his younger brother, 2, that he is constantly telling him what he should or shouldn't be doing and while on one hand I think it is absolutely adorable, the other side of me thinks that my oldest is almost sheltering the youngest. My two year old is so in tune with communicating with just showing us what he wants instead of asking for it, I am starting to question if I myself should be questioning my own parenting styles. I understand that each individual child goes at his own pace, but I would love to hear more spoken words instead of the grunts and whines while pointing to get his way. Even in trying to give the child options, he will clearly make the decision on which he prefers, but to vocalize it is a complete new story. Maybe I am the overprotective one, that coddles them both to their wants and he feels like I already know so he doesn't have to ask, but where as a mother do I step back? I am being berated by my own mother that she thinks there are issues with my child because he doesn't speak as much as she would like, happily the doctors say he is fine, but there is still a piece of me that yearns to hear him say "i love you mommy" and not just "truck, car, ball, blue, pwease," and the few other words that come out sporadically. Am I the one being selfish that wants to try to push him into speaking sooner? Am I the barrier standing in the way of him being able to communicate vocally?

A Money Tree & Wisdom Teeth

So it's already been proven that they serve no purpose and in still having mine, I can say that they haven't brought me any divine answers or words of "wisdom" so I am curious as to why the even got that name in the first place. I'm scheduled to have them taken out next week and having all 4 of them impacted is definitely not only causing pain and headaches, but is impacting my concentration and mood. I am absolutely petrified to have them out, but I now I can't put it off any longer. The pain is getting worse and I am getting less and less accomplished. I hear horror stories about how some have gotten "dry sockets" and how others have walked out of the office and are able to eat pizza the same night. While I hope to be one of the lucky ones that feels instant relief, I am a smoker, and I almost feel guilty knowing that my moodiness in not smoking isn't going to be pleasant for anyone around me. I've heard that the pain from dry sockets is worse than that of labor, well, with a good anethesiologist, I didn't think labor was as terrible as all the other women had made it out to be. Yes, I was a big baby about that to and got an epidural. The problem this time, is that they want me to undergo extracting all 4 impacted wisdom teeth, extract 3 other teeth, and fix an exposed nerve all while awake, no sedation other than the valium I will self medicate with beforehand. I am not a fan of needles and in the past, my anxiety has blocked the local anesthetic so what should have been 3 shots turned into 12. I REALLY don't want to have to do this awake. They want $416 up front to knock me out with gas and I wanna go find a money tree to shake to make it happen. If anyone knows someone who is growing one of these in their highly secured, fenced in with coiled barb wire at the top, let me know, that scares me less than the idea of doing this awake.

Introduction

Well, since you aren't familiar with me, let me first introduce myself. I am a single mother of two who is self-employed and is also a full-time student. I am busting my rear trying to make a good life for the sake of my two wonderful boys (ages 6 & 2) and at times feel stressed and time-crunched. I know it doesn't have to be this way, I need to stop procrastinating and finish my degree instead of taking minimum credit loads and working when I want. But hey, the flexibility is great. What more could a mom ask for right? Well, lots! I want to eventually find that special person who truly can be "my other half" and who supports me and pushes me to succeed. No! I am not writing this to try to find dates, so please don't ask! I am writing this to find myself again, to be the best person I can be, and to get other's opinions on issues that I might learn from myself. So be patient with me, I'm somewhat new to this, at least via blog and have fun while visiting. Hopefully there will be some laughs along with the lessons.